The Green Room – No, it’s not about marijuana

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Our Rating

Have you ever fantasized about Patrick Stewart as a neo-Nazi kingpin who runs his own white supremacy group? Does watching skinheads getting hacked to death and blown away by shotgun blasts sound like a good time to you? Yes? Then this movie is for you. You also need psychological help.

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Even as a supremacist asshole, I still want to cuddle him and rub his bald head.

The Green Room is a psychological horror/action movie about a ragtag group of band rats that are making their way through the country, performing tiny gigs and siphoning gas wherever they can. Disenchanted with the petty change they’ve been making, they accept an offer of $350 immediately, despite the strings that come along with – they have to perform at a skinhead bar in the middle of Buttfuck, Nowhere.

Yeah, they nail the show and get their money, but what they didn’t expect was stumbling upon a dead body they weren’t supposed to see. Not good. The gang goes into crisis mode; they have to figure out a way to “dispose” of the band and their belongings.

We spend a majority of the film in the “Green Room” which is also another term for the space where performers chill and hang out and do drugs and what not before and after their performance. After realizing that they aren’t going to get out of this alive – not unless they fight, and fight smart, they barricade themselves inside, armed with nothing but a knife and a boxcutter.

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Maeby took a weird turn after moving out of the Bluth family home.

But how do you fight against the waves of neo-Nazi skinheads that have a seemingly endless supply of guns, dogs, and machetes? Are we really going to just sit here and watch these raggedy kids die? Yeah, sure, their music is loud and obnoxious, and they probably haven’t showered in three months, but they don’t deserve to die!

This movie had me squirming in my seat the entire time. I was not expecting for this movie to be this violent. There were scenes in the movie where the entire theatre went “OHHHHHH JESUS CHRIST”. I can’t explain the feeling I had when I left the theatre. I felt nasty – like I had blood caked under my nails and dirt in my hair.

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Yeah, I know that feel, Anton.

Obviously, for the non-theatre folks like myself, I was rather disappointed when I realized this movie had nothing to do about weed. The story was rather bare-boned, but cemented by the intense action and thrilling jump scares. Not as funny as I would’ve liked, but it had a few chuckle-worthy lines. The characters weren’t as fleshed out as I hoped they would be, but honestly, you forget all of that when you’re cringing at the image of someone spurting blood from the gaping hole in their neck.

Watch it for Patrick Stewart. Watch it for the violence. Watch it for Anton Yelchin kicking skinhead ass. Watch it for Patrick Stewart.

The Breakdown

One day she hopes to reach a new state of being which requires no sustenance other than alcohol and pure, unadulterated rage. Imagine the shit she’ll write then, huh?

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