I wanted to write two separate articles on how disappointing the designs of the costumes look in X-Men: Days Of Future Past and The Amazing Spiderman 2, but I got distracted by a really annoying detail. Have you seen Green Goblin?
All I can think about when I see this is a mix between Arthur the Minimoy and Toad from X-Men. People, understand this: painting people light green does not make them look scary or intimidating. It makes them look like they live in a swamp. I am not afraid of people who live in swamps, I just want them to have a bath. However, can you guess from this single picture what I really wanted to talk about today? Don’t look at the title, that’s cheating.
This is Warpath, from X-Men: Days Of Future Past. And the problem is not that he played in Twilight. Kudos on the upgrade, by the way.
Once you find Quicksilver in the picture, tell me if you’re starting to see the problem. It’s not his costume. Although… yes, it is. It is definitely a part of it. What the hell is that supposed to be? And what happened to his hair?
… While I’m at it, I do hope that the Scarlet Witch will at least be mentioned in this movie. If not, I’m gonna go all Phoenix on people.
This dude will play Reed Richards in the upcoming reboot of Fantastic Four.
So… Why the hell do all those people look like teenagers?
I love Dane DeHaan. He is the reason why Chronicle was such an amazing movie, but where Andrew Garfield as Peter Parker looks like a grown-up donning teenager clothes, Dane DeHaan looks like they were trying to make him seem as young as possible. People, you do not need to make Dane DeHaan look younger. Even with constant bags under his eyes, Dane DeHaan would make a young Leo DiCaprio look like Harrison Ford without even trying.
Back to X-Men. I won’t bother showing you Colossus, because after comparing the casting and costume design to that of Quicksilver and Warpath, he doesn’t look so bad. However, I will show you this:
I know what you think: those are drawings. Real people cannot look like those grotesquely exaggerated versions of the human body. You are right, they can’t. However, Warpath needs to be at least intimidating. When I look at Booboo Stewart, I feel like if he showed up at my door with a knife between his teeth, I would still try to shove candy in his mouth.
I think you got the point.
When did we decide that superheroes (and villains) couldn’t be adults? They don’t all have to be, mind you, but can some of them at least look like it? Hollywood, if you’re afraid of losing your teenage audience because of the age of the protagonists, just look at every single Avengers movie ever and take a deep breath. Super heroes (and villains), have different shapes and sizes. They have features, they have pores, they have scars, and sometimes they even have wrinkles. They’re people.
When we said « we’d like to see something else than heterosexual white males over the age of 30 », we did not mean « we’d like to see heterosexual men under the age of 15 ». Just because people are not The Hulk or Tony Stark doesn’t mean they have to look like they’re in high school. A First Nations guy named Warpath is not a cuddly little cub. Also, a guy whose main power is to move and think at supersonic speed does not need to look like a crossover of every single 90s stereotype that ever existed. At this point, he would honestly look better in a good ol’ Spandex costume.
UGH. Worst thing is: I know that most of those people are decent actors. I just wish they didn’t all look so pristine. Am I getting old? I’m starting to regret the time of the first X-Men movies and Sam Raimi’s Spiderman movies. This is bad. I need something new. Something fresh.
Yup. That will do.
– Anais L