Have you ever gotten that strange, strange feeling – the end credits start rolling, the music starts blaring, and the lights come up while the theater employees glare at you impatiently for you to get out of your seat so they can start sweeping up the horrible mess you’ve made… and you’re just not quite sure that the movie you saw was either kinda good, or kinda really bad.
Keep in mind that I haven’t seen the original one, so I’m afraid I won’t be able to describe the perfect nostalgic trip you’ve been patiently awaiting for.
RoboCop tells the story of Alex Murphy, hotheaded, brash young police office in one of the most violent cities in America, Detroit. After a case goes horribly wrong, Alex’s body is thoroughly disfigured with a bomb planted in his car. But not to worry, Omnicorp is here to save the day! In an effort to advance his own politically incorrect agenda, CEO Raymond Sellars offers Alex another chance at life: to replace his inefficient organic body with something a little more… tactical.
When Alex wakes up in China three months later (at this point, my sister made a ‘Made in China’ joke), he discovers that everything is about to change. A pawn in a game of lies, deception and corruption.
Except, the game is messily written and the villains aren’t very compelling.
Asides from the fact that Michael Keaton now looks like Kevin Costner’s bloated doppelganger and his intelligence is highly questionable, one of the more prominent features of this wildly red, white and blue ride is the sociopolitical commentary. The strong sociopolitical commentary – so strong that every word that comes out of Samuel L Jackson’s mouth is beating you over the head with incoherent screams of “DO YOU SEE HOW BIASED I AM. DO YOU.” The word ‘politician’ is spoken so often that you wonder if the screenwriters really know what they’re talking about, or if real-world politics are really this dumb. I appreciate the sentiment, but it really does fall very, very flat.
PS. Ever heard of the Internet? I highly doubt that 2028 America gathers all of its opinions from a TV segment helmed by a raving lunatic with bad hair. I’m assuming if there was any mention of a half-man, half-robot thing stomping around on the streets, Reddit would be all over that shit like flies on actual shit.
When Alex wakes up, he is horrified to know that all that was left of his human body is his face and his upper torso. Oh, and his right hand. While I’m all for RoboCop’s updated (and admittedly sexier) design, what’s with the hand?! You get that shit blown off in a firefight, you ain’t getting that back.
The best part of the movie was the first ten minutes. We get a glimpse of what Omnicorp has done to the rest of the world as several Tehran suicide bombers throw themselves at the mechanical soldiers in protest to the suppression that they’ve been suffering. Again, I haven’t seen the original, so take it with a grain of salt when I say I would’ve rather seen RoboCop as RoboSoldier and taken down Omnicorp from another way. Though that would’ve strayed too far from the original story, so I think I should shut up now. I just think a lot of reboots suffer from the lack of originality while still retaining the essence of the predecessor. So sue me.
RoboCop was released two weeks earlier in Taiwan, for those who are wondering why I’ve seen it and you haven’t. If you’re any bit of a fan of quality screenwriting or a great sci-fi movie, I’d save your 12 bucks for something a little more palatable, like Her. Personally, I think it suffers from the PG-13 rating, as it seems to want to be gritty and angsty, but isn’t gritty or angsty enough for modern audiences. However, if you’re just looking for a little bang (or multiple semiautomatic bangs) for your buck, I say go crazy. Carpe diem.
Reactions were divided among my party of five. My sister, my cousin and my dad thought it wasn’t bad, while my brother and I thought it was an wildly confusing, bullet-riddled train wreck. So if you don’t trust me (I’m assuming you don’t), there’s always a chance you might really enjoy it.
Three things to take away from this review of mine:
One. RoboCop was made in China.
Two. Detroit bears an eerie resemblance to downtown Vancouver.
Three. The plot holes are as plentiful as the bullet holes.
– Rachel C.