2013 is over and it is time for us to praise our favourite pieces of entertainment of the year while we throw fresh piles of dog poop at the others.
Let’s get this party started.
Gravity – My dad’s broken understanding of the English language didn’t stop him from leaning over his seat after the credits started rolling and muttering into my ear, “That was the best goddamn movie I’ve ever seen in my entire life.” Gravity is a cinematic masterpiece, and it will go down in history as one of the best films ever made. That is all. All the haters to the left.
Rush – One of my favourite movies of the year. Daniel Bruhl instantly becomes the star of the movie – snaggletooth and all – the minute he hits the screen. Chris Hemsworth who? !
American Horror Story – I FUCKING LOVE THIS SHOW, ALRIGHT. It certainly took a while for it to find its feet, but this season is batshit crazy and I love it. The last couple of episodes have been mind blowing. Jessica Lange is my supreme.
Peaky Blinders – I only watched the first couple of episodes, but the visuals are so authentic and beautifully done, it really makes you wonder why these talented people aren’t making more stuff for you to watch.
Sleepy Hollow – Who would have thought that a new take on an old story, especially after a raging success of Tim Burton’s film, would work? Maybe, like, 5 people in total, and yet here we are! Sleepy Hollow turned out being the cheesiest, funniest, creepiest, and definitely awesomest (because there’s no wrong with inventing new words when you need to) new TV show of the fall 2013.
The Book Thief – Not being a fan of adaptations in general, I was pleasantly surprised by The Book Thief. Just like its literary sibling, it was beautiful and tragic. The cinematography of the film was stunning, and I utterly enjoyed the performance of Sophie Nélisse, a Canadian actress from Quebec, playing the role of Liesel.
Prisoners – Dark, desperate, and every kind of disturbing, Prisoners was one of the best films I’ve seen in the past few years. I really love intense films that make us question the lengths one would go to protect their loved ones, especially when the situation is not black and white; especially when there is no right answer, and all you can hope for is that you never end up having to face anything of that kind.
We’re The Millers – was, hands down, the funniest film of the year. Also, it was the first film since 2009 that I saw 5 times at the theatre because waiting for the DVD was too unbearable
Spring Breakers – I wasn’t prepared for this film. I knew it was written and directed by Harmony Korine and starred James Franco, but holy shit. These girls go wild on spring break, with a neon-infused crime spree. It was just amazing. The movie froze in time during the Britney Spears piano moment of magic.
Orphan Black – Just watch this show. Shut up forever and enjoy the science of clones. Tatiana Maslany plays many versions of the same genetic material. The episodes are thrilling as she tries to figure out the mystery and save her family (families, clones always get confusing, amirite?).
Lego Batman 2: DC Super Heroes – Couch co-op at its best. With Batman. And adorable Lego hijinks. I know there were amazing games in 2013, with story and feels, but I played some of my best hours on the couch with Batman and Robin.
The Ocean at the End of the Lane – I went to see Neil Gaiman speak about this book and the evening was one of the highlights of my whole year. Touching, nostalgic, heart-warming, funny, and with all the weight and truth of Gaiman writing, I know you’ve probably already picked it up.
Frozen – This movie made me listen to the same goddamn Fuck You anthem for two weeks straight and wish I was 17 again so I could sing it to the world before leaving my shitty hometown. Also, I loved the character I was the most ready to hate. Frozen is the proof Disney is still alive and I wanna make sweet love to its director ad writer.
Pacific Rim – At one point, the giant mecha cut a giant prehistoric bat in two with a sword. In space. Why are you still here reading instead of watching this movie?
Broadchurch – David Tennant. I shouldn’t have to say anything else.
Legend Of Korra…’s last 7 episodes of season 2. It was emotional, deep, and actually about the Avatar again. For the first time, I found a reason to call Legend Of Korra a grown up version of Avatar. I hope that season 3 will prove this right.
Legend of Korra…’s first six episodes of season 2. In ten years, we’ll probably discover that the writers and creators were not there when the episodes were written. And nobody will be surprised.
Carrie – Hollywood, how did you make Chloë Grace-Moretz covered in blood uninteresting?
Frozen – Sometimes, you buy a book because it has the same title as one of your favourite movies of the year. Then you read it and remember that the world doesn’t work that way. Full review to come.
World War Z – The book is so great, it’s too bad this movie is terrible. I was really hoping they would find a way to capture the sense of looking back on the zombie apocalypse, but instead they just put Brad Pitt in with a pile of CG zombies. It’s kind of stupid. And then the end is a complete fail in microbiology. Just boo.
Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. – I watch this show almost every week still, hoping it will be better. But nope. There’s no excuse for this show to suck this hard.
Super Fun Night – I made it five minutes into an episode of this show and had a seizure from how bad it is. Now every time I see a preview or a couple seconds caught on my pvr, I shield my eyes and ears before I start to smell toast.
Luigi’s Mansion: Dark Moon – Why isn’t this game compelling for me? I feel meh about it, which is really disappointing. I love haunted houses and Luigi, and mysteries! But this game was boring. For shame!
Man of Steel…. was probably the worst Superman film in the history of Superman films. That I can recall, at least. It lacked everything a movie usually needs, starting with a plot.
Michal J. Fox Show – How is Parkinson’s disease funny? Making a comedy show that is basically about Parkinson’s disease and nothing else is not necessarily the best of ideas.
The Hangover Part III – Hangover II was the exact copy of Hangover-the-Original, and Hangover III was the exact copy of Hangover II. So… why?
Jamie Dornan signing up for 50 Shades of Grey. It’s bad enough that this horrendous insult of a trilogy was written. It’s even worse that it’s been published. But the fact that someone decided to turn it into a movie is something I will never ever be able to comprehend. There seemed to be a glimpse of hope for all of us sane people when Charlie Hunnam pulled out of the project earlier in 2013. For, like, a moment or two we sighed with relief. Until Jamie Dornan came along and made most of us want to move to another planet.
The Great Gatsby – I mean, was anyone really expecting this to be… good? Baz Lurhmann is an incredible visionary and I love Leo to pieces, but this film was just astoundingly boring and off-target. I found Carey Mulligan grating and annoying, Tobey Maguire was Spiderman-awkward, and the music was just completely out of place. Would not watch again.
Now You See Me – Magic tricks? Heists? The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse? Doesn’t that sound awesome?! I was expecting something like the Illusionist meets Oceans 11, but instead I got a massive steaming turd with Jesse Eisenberg’s weasel-face plastered all over it. It made money taste like disappointment.
Super Fun Night – Rebel Wilson, oh, how I adored you. Now I think this show should burn in the recesses of hell for the rest of eternity for how abysmally boring and cliched the writing is.
Hello Ladies – I love Stephen Merchant, but I hate him in this show. How is someone so gawky and adorable so dislikable?! He dangles himself over women and uses his friends like some sort of stepping ladder to greater heights (which aren’t that much greater), and it’s actually physically painful to watch.
Now for our honourable and dishonourable mentions, in no particular order and without even saying what was good or bad, because it’s more fun that way. And also because some of us hated some things while others loved them and we wanted to avoid a blood bath. Haha…
Happy New Year!